networking feels like a circle jerk where everyone is politely waiting for their turn to say how useful they are. you connect on LinkedIn, send the little “loved your background” message, and suddenly you’re meant to book a coffee chat with a person you have never met and probably will never speak to again.
then comes the coffee chat slop. “i’d love to pick your brain.” “let’s stay in touch.” “always happy to help.” twenty minutes of swapping job titles and trying to sound relaxed while quietly checking if the other person can get you something. then you both say it was lovely, add each other on LinkedIn, and vanish into the feed forever.
the friendship speedrun
the weird part is how intimate it pretends to be. someone calls it a chat, but really there’s an agenda hiding under the latte. you’re not catching up. you’re doing a tiny audition: am i impressive, are you useful, should we schedule another call that neither of us wants?
and there’s all this language about “building relationships” as if a relationship can be manufactured in one calendar invite. a connection request is not a friendship. remembering someone’s job title isn’t caring about them. saying “let’s keep in touch” doesn’t mean you’re going to.
i know people do get jobs through networking. that’s the point, and maybe that’s why it feels so fake: the friendliness is stapled to an outcome. everyone is nice because they might need something later. there’s a little calculation running underneath every compliment.
i’d rather just talk to people
real connection usually happens sideways. you work on something together, share an interest, end up in the same room a few times, and at some point you actually have something to talk about. no “can i pick your brain” opener. no awkwardly formal “quick chat”. no pretending a stranger’s career journey has changed your life.
maybe you do meet someone good through a coffee chat. fine. but why does every interaction have to be turned into a networking opportunity? why can’t a conversation just be a conversation? why does everything have to become a contact, a lead, a future favour, a strategic relationship?
i don’t want a giant contact list full of people i once had a slightly stilted drink with. i want a few people i actually like talking to. if we never speak again after connecting, that’s alright. just don’t call it community. it was a calendar invite.